I don’t know life at all.

A reflection on Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now"

Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

The honesty makes contact with the heart, and the emotions rise to well up tears in my eyes.

Profoundly beautiful. 

An understanding I’ve repeated to my husband over the years, “I don’t know anything.”

How can I say what I perceive through my limited lens is correct? How can you say it’s not correct?

How can I know that the dress in front of me is teal colored when you say it’s gold and black?

We do not know. Yet, what sparks in the heart as “knowing” is indescribable, and that is the connection I felt to Joni Mitchell’s beautiful performance of “Both Sides Now” at the Grammy’s last night. It was my first time registering the song. I had no idea that the Grammy’s were happening, nor did I care to stick around when I saw my husband had the TV on as I came downstairs after tucking the kids in for bed. He typically uses the window to watch sports, the main reason he’s held on to the last thread of reasoning to keep actual cable TV. How thankful I am to have plopped down on that sofa and witness Joni Mitchell.

I’m certain there is much being written about the sheer magic of her 80 year-old stamina. The mastery of her voice, songwriting, and art has been extensively covered for decades even if I was far removed from it. All of it leaves me in awe.

But what is coming to the forefront for me this morning is the relevance. The message of her lyrics delivered with a wisdom of spirit that was undeniable on that stage.

Many times I wished I lived to experience the hippie wave of the 1960’s. It’s fascinating to meet people that continue to live by the ethos of that era.

A shared culture that is neither ethnocentric or nationalist. It feels rare, right?

What feels to be a recent wave of spirituality and discovery that has come into light after decades of technology led thinking compounding with pandemic isolation allows a glimpse to the love era of the 1960’s and 1970’s. A visual of the movement brings to mind flowers, music festivals, free love, pyschedelics.

But it was hand in hand filled with outrage toward the power structures in place. Vietnam War protests, Civil Rights movement in America — the structures maintaining social injustice, power, and greed clashed with the demand for equality, freedom, love.

It was crushed at a mass level through the War on Drugs and discreet strategic moves to keep the systems as is, just with a new facade. Progress made to open perspectives of the actual masses at times feels to have gone backward. Yet, many beautiful souls continued to live their life peacefully within their own reality bubble, individually or within communities (look up Yellow Deli — some say it’s a religious cult, and I do not know enough to say anything other than the amazing hippie artwork that brought me a surprising amount of joy when I walked into the location on Pearl Street in Boulder, Colorado, the kindness of the people behind the counter and oh, that made-in-house spongy bread!).

Pics below of the Yellow Deli, Boulder, CO walls from Yelp! (I hear they make all their own furniture, carving the wood by hand).

Although I did not get to experience Woodstock and burn your bra, isn’t it relevant to the split that exists amongst people today? There is a wave waking up to the truth of Western and global foreign policy interests — greed and power that underlies every action. The blatant massacre (again) of Palestinians, who I sadly believe (sometimes to make some sense of the tragedy to myself) are serving an incomprehensible purpose for humanity to witness resilience, connectedness, and nobility in the face of strategic violence that has been endured regionally for generations. 

Just imagine if Syrian troops were sprinkled across America or let’s say stationed specifically in Charlottesville to police white supremacy? Oh, I don’t know in their vested interest of our midwestern cornfields! Can you imagine? That would be insanity for us. American soldiers are positioned in numerous countries in the name of terrorism, and the audacity of the entitlement when they face retaliation for imposing on sovereign people’s land and lives. A family losing a loved one is not a light topic. It should not happen. The heartbreak of a family in Lebanon is equal to the heartbreak of a family in America. That premise needs to be first understood. And believed. Our government should not be sending someone’s family member to carry out a power agenda and masking it as something else.

Domestic interests are also understood to be overrun with greed by both the Republican and Democratic parties. This has been apparent for several presidential election cycles now. Corporate interests interwoven into government. So much poverty. Not enough healthcare. All less hidden than it once was. There will be a new color and cover coming soon to replace what’s become outdated. Keep a keen eye when that occurs.

Opening one’s thinking to Both Sides is a plea for right now. It’s relevant. Arrive at your own conclusion through critical thinking. Unravel biases and deep programming to shed taking up a position and to reach a “knowing.” The heart recognizes it.

Let’s step with clear and loving intention, carrying the sliver of truth that can’t be denied. Surrender the rest. We are not meant to have all the answers.

The beauty, simplicity, and humility of Joni Mitchell’s reminder last night — I don’t know anything at all. Thank you, beautiful soul.